sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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