Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
