he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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