And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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