just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
