id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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