Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
