You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think your dad took our porno
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need a beard to bite.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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