PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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