apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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