Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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