The maid of honor just puked.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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