he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
