Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
