when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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