I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
