Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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