Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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