if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
