If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
