i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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