i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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