OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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