You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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