saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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