I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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