dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
