Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything