why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher