Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

   I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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  (310): I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set http://tfl.nu/e5hl
  Replies (2) Good night (1122) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
  Replies (24) Good night (1375) Bad night (5979) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

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  (703): Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon. http://tfl.nu/bjrm
  Replies (12) Good night (5002) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

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  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15608) Bad night (1513) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"

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  (508): Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic" http://tfl.nu/1wpy
  Replies (30) Good night (2316) Bad night (2928) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.

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  (910): i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny. http://tfl.nu/fz99
  Replies (23) Good night (1242) Bad night (2714) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever

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  (949): I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever http://tfl.nu/w0x8
  Replies (9) Good night (3280) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?

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  (678): thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right? http://tfl.nu/2evi
  Replies (7) Good night (2047) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME

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  (+61): woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME http://tfl.nu/6fbk
  Replies (15) Good night (6126) Bad night (791)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'

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  (+44): I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.' http://tfl.nu/vhcz
  Replies (5) Good night (2511) Bad night (1468) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.

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  (801): It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me. http://tfl.nu/14do
  Replies (5) Good night (1617) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.

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  (978): Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child. http://tfl.nu/fq2v
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (1646) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Not worth it.

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  (973): She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene. (1-973): Not worth it. http://tfl.nu/l4pk
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

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  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (541)
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  (343): View more from Ontario

  The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka

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  (343): The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka http://tfl.nu/nkji
  Replies (4) Good night (923) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt

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