how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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