Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
