you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
