yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
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