All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
