Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
