in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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