Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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