I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
