Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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