low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
