Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
