Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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