Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
