sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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