So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
