mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
