You can't motorboat a personality
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
