just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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