I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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