tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
