please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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