AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
