you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
