I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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