im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
