Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
