can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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