remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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