First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
