k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
