i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
