I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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