I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
