I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
