Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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