R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize
