I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
